Stop Shoulding On Yourself

The holidays have a way of making everything feel bigger. The to-do lists. The emotions. The expectations. The pressure to hold everything together while still trying to create a magical season for everyone around you.

This week was one of those weeks for me. My daughter was sick. We had family over. My Fall program wrapped up. My Winter program starts on Monday. My son had half days. The mental load felt heavy and loud.

And somewhere in the middle of it all, I noticed a familiar pattern that so many women fall into.

The “I shoulds.”

Why You Are Not Wrong For Feeling Overwhelmed

Women love to blame themselves for not being perfect. It is almost a reflex.

I should have done a better job with that.
I shouldn't have drank so much. 
I should have cleaned the house.
I should have been more patient.
I should not have eaten that.
I should not have missed that workout.
I should not have binged the Cheez Its again.

These moments are not failures. They are signs that you are a human being navigating a full life in a very full season. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling stretched thin.

You are not behind.
You are not failing.
You are simply living.

The Hidden Cost Of “Should” Language

Here is the real problem with “should.”

It creates shame instead of change.

Every time you say “I should have,” you send the message that you messed up. That there was a correct route and you somehow chose the wrong one. It makes you feel smaller. It tightens your chest. It disconnects you from the supportive self-talk that actually helps you move forward.

“Should” does not inspire action.
It triggers guilt.
It ramps up stress.
It keeps you stuck in self-judgment.

And during the holidays, women tend to use “should” language more than ever. Because expectations feel higher. And our capacity feels lower.

Why This Small Reframe Changes Everything

The most powerful shift you can make is tiny. One word.

Replace “should” with intention.

Instead of “I should have worked out,” try “I want to move my body because it feels good.”
Instead of “I should not have eaten that,” try “I want to choose something that supports my energy next.”
Instead of “I should have been more productive,” try “I gave what I had today and that matters.”

This reframing takes you out of shame and into ownership. It helps your nervous system relax instead of tightening. It keeps you rooted in compassion which is the foundation for real growth.

Small words. Big shift.

How Your Language Shapes Your Energy

The way you talk to yourself becomes the way you live your life.

When your inner voice sounds like a drill sergeant, your body responds with tension. When your voice sounds like a gentle guide, your body feels safe enough to make aligned choices.

Compassion creates momentum.
Shame shuts it down.

Choosing different words is one of the simplest mindset tools you have access to. And it works every single time.

A Message For Every Overwhelmed Woman This Season

If this season feels heavy, busy, emotional, or chaotic, I want you to hear this clearly.

You are doing better than you think.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to choose ease.
You are allowed to show up imperfectly.
You do not have to should on yourself anymore.

You are enough right now.
Not once everything calms down.
Not once you catch up.
Not once the holiday is over.
Right now.

If You Need Support, You Are Not Alone

If you are craving a little more support this holiday season, the kind that feels grounding and judgment free, I would love to invite you into my weekly Amazingly AF newsletter.

It is written for women just like you and me who are juggling life, working on mindset, building confidence, choosing alcohol free living, and trying to feel more supported in the process.

You will get encouragement, real talk, tools you can use right away, and reminders you did not know you needed.

If that sounds good, you can join here.

You deserve support.
You deserve softness.
You deserve a place where you do not have to do it all alone.