What Alcohol Taught Me About Emotional Intelligence

I’ve always been told I have high emotional intelligence. I’ve taken the tests. I know I’m empathetic, I care deeply, and I can read people pretty well.

When I was managing teams, I took everything home with me, like everything. It included people’s stress, their energy, their problems. I wanted to help, to fix, to make sure everyone was okay. I hated confrontation and avoided tough conversations, thinking that meant I was being kind.

I always cared so deeply about others, but I wasn’t always caring for myself.

On the outside, I looked calm and capable. On the inside, my mind was running nonstop. I’d replay meetings, overthink emails, and stress about how I came across. Every Friday night after work, I’d find myself spinning. Always  hyper-focused on a presentation I gave or a comment I made  and would need several beers to quiet my brain.

But alcohol didn’t quiet it. It just make it worse and I would spiral all weekend. The Sunday scaries were brutal! 

Once I removed alcohol, everything got clearer and a little easier. 

I could finally see my emotions instead of running from them. I started to notice when I was anxious, when I was carrying things that weren’t mine, and when I was avoiding something I needed to face.

That’s when emotional intelligence started to feel different.

It wasn’t just about empathy or staying calm,  it became about self-awareness and accountability. Learning when to pause, when to speak up, and yes, when to own something I didn’t handle well.

Today, I still care deeply. I still feel a lot. But I don’t carry it all home. I can have tough conversations without spiraling. I can recognize when I’m off and do something about it.

Sobriety didn’t give me emotional intelligence,  it gave me access to it.

And that’s been one of the biggest shifts in how I lead, work, and live.

If this resonates with you, I share reflections like this inside my Amazingly Alcohol-Free community and in my weekly newsletter — where we talk about clarity, confidence, and showing up as your best self.

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💬 Have you noticed how your emotions or leadership changed when you started showing up clear-headed?